so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
