I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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