He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
