Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize