Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So squirting runs in the family.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
