Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
