worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
