The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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