I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
