I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
