I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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