He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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