she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize