Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
