I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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