I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
