My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
