i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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