No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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