Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
