We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
