so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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