the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize