there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
