No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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