I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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