Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
