i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize