The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
