Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
