I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
