Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
