I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this just has baby written all over it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
