I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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