I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
