I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
