last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
