My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
