Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am naked and annoyed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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