Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
