I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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