Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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