fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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