I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
