I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
