Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
