The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
