I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize