Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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