my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
