Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
