the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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