Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize