Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
