I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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