i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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