i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
where does the pee come out of this thing
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
