Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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