I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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