and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
