This is not my ceiling
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize