how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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