plz talk dirty to me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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