hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
